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Coping with a positive HIV test

Hearing that you have HIV can be shocking, but people with HIV can live a long and healthy life. Find out how to cope with a positive test result and where to go for support.

HIV is a manageable long-term condition, but being tested early is essential to getting appropriate healthcare and treatment.

Your emotions

You may feel a range of emotions when you get your test results. This could include shock, numbness, denial, anger, sadness and frustration.

It's perfectly normal and understandable to feel any of these. Some people might also feel relief that they finally know the truth.

You may also feel isolated and alone, even if you have family and friends around you.

Whatever you feel, you do not have to go through it alone, and there are ways you can help yourself cope better.

Getting the test result

You'll usually be told your results in person. The doctor, nurse or health adviser will do another HIV test to confirm the result, assess your current health and refer you to specialist HIV services.

They'll also talk to you about how you feel and help you think about where you can get support.

The doctor, nurse or health adviser will also talk about safer sex and the importance of using a condom for vaginal, anal and oral sex to avoid passing the virus on to a sexual partner.

Find out more about how to prevent passing HIV on

Getting up-to-date information

It's not unusual to feel shocked and unable to take everything in.

Do not feel you have to remember everything straight away.

You should be given written information, and you can always ask questions of your medical team, a helpline or 1 of the sources of support listed on this page.

Find out as much as you can about HIV, and its treatments and their side effects.

It'll help you understand the information you're told about your condition, and help you ask the right questions of the team who provide your care.

Do not rely on information you have heard in the past.

Up-to-date, accurate information is available from national services such as:

Learning to cope

Accepting that you're HIV positive can be the first step in getting on with your life.

"Be honest with yourself," advises Angela Reynolds from the Terrence Higgins Trust (THT).

"You'll have this for the rest of your life. But remember that although HIV is not curable, it is treatable."

HIV treatments have improved, and this means that HIV is now a manageable long-term condition.

You might imagine that you'll be ill all the time and will have to stop work, but this is not necessarily the case.

"Most people carry on working and do not have to give up sex and relationships," says Reynolds.

"After the first shock of diagnosis, most people cope over time. There's a lot of support to help you."

Try not to keep your feelings to yourself. If you do not feel you can talk to friends or family, try talking to your doctor, nurse or a counsellor, or call a helpline such as:

Websites such as NAM and healthtalk.org can guide you through the first few weeks and months after your diagnosis.

They can also give you an insight into how other people have coped with an HIV diagnosis and how it has affected their lives.

Your strengths

Reynolds suggests learning from a time in the past when you dealt with a difficult situation.

"Everyone has different ways of coping," she says.

"If you look back at how you have coped in the past, you might be able to identify what helped you cope before. This can give you confidence that you'll be able to cope with this new situation.

"If you feel you could have coped better, think what you could do differently now.

"For example, if you did not talk to anyone the last time you had a problem in your life, you could talk to a health adviser this time. Work out in advance what your coping strategy will be."

Telling people you're HIV positive

Talking about what you're going through can help, but think carefully about who you tell about your diagnosis.

Work out why you want to tell them and think of the potential consequences (for example, if they tell someone else).

If you decide to tell them, work out how you will answer any questions they might ask, such as "How did you get it?"

Find out more about telling people you're HIV positive in the living with HIV section.

If your family or partner would like support to help them cope with your diagnosis, they can also contact HIV organisations.

You might also want to meet other people with HIV. Finding out how other people have coped with a positive diagnosis, and hearing about their experiences of living with HIV, can be helpful for some people.

There are support groups for people who have recently found out they're HIV positive. Your HIV clinic, a GP or a helpline can let you know what's available in your area.

There are also support groups for specific people, such as young people, women, gay people, people from Africa and people who are HIV negative and have a partner who is HIV positive.

The website healthtalk.org has videos and articles about people's experiences of living with HIV, including getting an HIV diagnosis.

If you're feeling depressed

It's normal to feel as though you're not coping at times, to stop enjoying being with friends and family, or to feel sad or have trouble sleeping.

But if these feelings last a long time or you continue to feel overwhelmed by them, you may have depression.

Get help as soon as possible as you may need treatment.

Your HIV clinic, local mental health services or GP can all help you.

Diagnosis during pregnancy

Pregnant women in the UK are offered an HIV test as part of routine antenatal care.

Finding out you're HIV positive when you're pregnant can be very difficult for you and your partner.

Your midwife and HIV services will support you and help reduce the risk to your baby.

It's possible to give birth to a healthy baby who is HIV negative.

Find out more about HIV, pregnancy and women's health on the i-Base website.

For more information, go to:

Page last reviewed: 22 August 2019
Next review due: 22 August 2019